Dog Pee Sample

The vet asked me to supply a urine sample for the Jessie Dog. The regular fecal sample turns my stomach, I am just not good at that stuff.

Jessie is a girl dog and she squats when she pee s- about 2 millimeters from the ground! She is also very private and does not like to be watched while she does her business. However, she has no trouble being the watcher, and loves to accompany you to the bathroom.

I was given this funnel contraption to stick under her while she was going. It had to be the first pee in the morning and I had to get it to the lab within 1 hour of taking the sample.

So, not only do I have to violate my dog first thing on a weekend morning, but I have to show up at the vet with urine before I can have a chance to shower.

First attempt:

Saturday morning. We put her on a leash so we can control where she goes. Big mistake. She is a free roaming dog so she wouldn’t go while on the leash. We take her of the leash but now she is too traumatized to go.

Three hours later she finally wants to go back outside and I follow her out. As soon as I am I the backyard with her she thinks it is play time and she forgets she needs to pee and wants to play with the ball. I ignore her long enough - except I am actually shouting ‘go pee’ at a deaf dog – that she finally goes. She has her back to me and I am able to shove the funnel under her and get the sample! Score!

Hubby was heading into town to run some errands so he agreed to drop it off at the vets. Except I forgot to mention that all important 60 minute thing and the vet was his last stop. Need another sample. Fuck.

Sunday we repeat the process. I follow Jessie out first thing, but when I shove the funnel under her it startles her and she wont go. Another 3 hour wait until she wants to try again. Got it.

Off to the vet. Sunday: CLOSED. Double fuck.

Luckily the clinic was open so I go over to that building and they agree to test the sample. Not how I had pictured spending my weekend.